How to Tell If You're Really Friends

The classic phrase is "someone you'd call to help bury a body," but hopefully that doesn't actually apply in real life. Still, let's analyze that statement for a bit because it does encapsulate a lot of the traits we're looking for in a best friend.

First, it's "someone you'd call" meaning you obviously feel comfortable enough to approach that person. You have familiarity and history, so calling out of the blue isn't going to feel weird to you or them. You have a reasonable expectation that they will actually pick up the call instead of sending you to voicemail, and they likely will be glad to hear from you (until you mention corpse disposal).

Next, you are turning to this person for help, meaning you also feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable and express a need. You trust that this person is not only capable of helping, but also willing. There is some reserve of affection and goodwill that has accrued over time, and you believe you can draw on it.

Last, the example of burying a body implies dark deeds that a typical person would be ashamed to disclose. The expectation of keeping that level of a secret, let alone becoming implicated as an accessory after the fact, is next-level dedication from that friend. To be truly seen--with all our faults, failings, and possible criminal charges--and be loved anyway is the ultimate test of friendship.

But most of us don't have circumstances quite that dire when we wonder if the people in our lives are truly our friends. What is a more reasonable gauge? Here are 5 ways to know someone is really your friend:

1. They give you the benefit of the doubt. Inevitably, your friend will hear something unflattering or downright nasty about you from someone else. If their first thought is to question the source, reserve judgement, and wait for the whole story, then you have a loyal friend.

2. They match energy. If you are the one always checking in and planning your time together, then it's possible "they're just not that into you." Be careful with this one because everyone has times and seasons that are more distracting than others. Still, making time is one of the ways friends convey caring. There is almost always a creative solution if two people really prioritize each other.

3. They pay attention. A great friend might not know every detail of your life, but facts like how many siblings you have or whether your parents are still alive form the baseline information they should know. Someone who constantly puts their foot in their mouth or blithely disregards you when you correct their assumptions is not a good friend.

4. They root for you. Whether you're pursuing a goal, struggling with a challenge, or it's just a random Tuesday, a real friend will hope for positive outcomes in your life. Even when you're making a stupid choice (and your friend has already lovingly pointed out the flaws in your logic), their desire for things to (miraculously) work out in your favor never fails.

5. They feel good. It's actually the simplest test--do you feel energized, happy, contented, confident, or otherwise fantastic about yourself after spending time together? Do you look forward to your next meeting with low-level dread or excitement? We can suppress, rationalize, and talk ourselves out of emotions, but the body still knows the truth. If you get tense, mentally or physically, at the thought of seeing your friend, that person is not really your friend.

If your friend meets each test, then that is a person to treasure! Notice that none of the above are contingent on length of acquaintance, demographics, personality type, or any other characteristic that can be discerned at a distance. While you may be able to predict whether two people have much in common, it's almost impossible to determine whether friendship will result. A person's character and willingness is far more important in the grand scheme of things.

That's why Adventure-Us doesn't limit membership by gender, age, or relationship status. Your new best friend is probably not the person you'd pick out of a lineup. Fortunately, we've designed the club to help you identify that person the right way--by spending time together and letting the friendship develop naturally. If you've been looking for something deeper than surface-level acquaintanceships, join Adventure-Us!